Reflections on Fatherhood

Tomorrow is Father's Day and it is amazing to think that I have been a father for nearly 10 years. Oh, how quickly it has gone. Fatherhood isn't easy, especially when you have four boys. However, it isn't difficult for the reasons that many may suspect. I don't mind the noise, being ambushed anytime I am lying on the floor or the smells (man, can they create some smells!). The difficulty lies in realizing that I am responsible for shaping the character of four future men. So as I ponder the responsibility that I have taken on, I look at the readings for Father's Day.

The first reading comes to us from Exodus 19:2-6. In this reading God tells Israel that they will be to him a kingdom of priests, a holy nation. God calls fathers to be priests just as he calls priests to be fathers. How is a father a priest?

The priesthood of a father can be traced all the way back to Adam, the father of humanity. In the beginning, God tells Adam to "till and keep" the garden. The words that are used here are abod and shamar. Basically, these are priestly words that mean to "serve and protect." A father has the priestly duty of serving his family. Not only does a father have to serve by providing for the material needs of a family, but he must provide for the spiritual needs as well. Providing for the spiritual needs means that a father must ensure that his family is being brought up in the faith by attending Mass and frequenting the sacraments. By making sure that his family's spiritual needs are being met, the father is also protecting his family from spiritual enemies. We all know that a father must protect his family from outside intruders, but we often neglect to protect our families from spiritual intruders. Remember, Jesus told us not to fear those who can kill the body, but to fear him who can kill the body and the soul in Hell. We need to know our faith. We need to practice our faith. Our children need to have this faith taught to them. And who better to teach the faith than the priest of the family?

The second reading comes from Romans 5: 6-11. In this passage, we read that "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Jesus sets the perfect example of a servant leader. He puts the needs of his bride, the Church, ahead of his own. Jesus is the perfect example of a husband. The best gift that a father can give to his children is to love their mother. Jesus shows us how to do that. He empties himself and becomes a man. He then gives himself up in sacrifice for people who are sinning against him. Fathers must love their wives.

As fathers, we must remember to keep our priorities in order. God, Family, Work. In that order. Most of us inherently know that family should come before work. After all, no one carries around pictures of their office. However, you will find many "proud daddys" toting pictures of their families. Our job requires vacation, but our family is our vocation. No matter where we go, or what we do, we will always be fathers.

May God grant us the grace to love our families as he loves us.

President Bush To Cross the Tiber?

I found this article in a post on the Theology of the Body blog and thought it was interesting. At this point, it is speculation, but if President Bush became Catholic, that would be a pretty high profile conversion. Tony Blair, former British Prime Minister, recently converted as has the President's brother, Jeb Bush. Maybe the Pope's visit to the U.S. will have a lasting effect.

Should We Be Surprised?

As we all know, the California Supreme Court recently decided to make same sex marriage a fundamental right. Needless to say, this has created quite a stir. Michael Uhlmann states in his article A New Sexual Constitution?:

On May 15, a 4-3 majority of the California Supreme Court rewrote the state constitution and decreed that same-sex marriage was now a “fundamental” right. In a stunning display of disingenuous humility, the court had the brass to assert that it was not stating a policy preference, but only interpreting the people’s will as expressed in the state’s highest law. But California’s constitution says nothing about same-sex marriage, and the people of California made their will abundantly clear as recently as 2000, when they overwhelmingly passed a legislative initiative defining marriage as a union between man and woman.

The thing that strikes me about this is that four people made this decision for the entire state. Four People! I have no idea how they find same sex marriage addressed in the constitution. But, then again, I am not a lawyer. Chief Justice, Ronald M. George wrote the majority opinion and was quoted as saying, "I think there are times when doing the right thing means not playing it safe." I agree with that quote. Doing the right thing does mean not playing it safe; especially when one is defending the rights of others, which is what the Court believes it has done.

The problem is that they are dealing with marriage. The sacrament of matrimony is more than just two people who love each other getting together to share a life. It is more than being able to file a joint tax return or reap legal benefits granted by the government. Matrimony is about the communion of persons as God intended from the beginning. Look no further than Matthew 19 to see Jesus' teaching on marriage:

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" [4] He answered, "Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, [5] and said, `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? [6] So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder."

Notice that Jesus is referring to the "beginning." Genesis 1:27 states: So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Male and female make up "man." And "man" is created in the image of God. Male and Female image God in the one flesh union of the marriage act. That can't take place in a same sex union. It requires a male and a female. Why?

If God is a communion of persons, then we are to be a communion of persons. But wait, God is the communion of Three Persons in the Blessed Trinity and Man is just a communion of two persons. Where is the third person of the human communion of persons? Well my wife and I have four of them. They are named Dawson, Nevan, Aidan and Jabin. The love between a husband and wife is so real that a third person is created. That is how we image God.

The problem is that many of the folks who are screaming about the sanctity of marriage don't see it that way. With rampant use of contraceptives most married couples have negated the third person of the family by reducing the marital act to a pleasurable experience. Husbands and wives are simply using each other for pleasure. How is that different from that which a same sex couple can accomplish? The thing that sets a marriage apart is life giving love. If the life is taken out of the equation by way of contraception, then it is no different than any other act between two people who "love" each other.

If we want to protect the sanctity of marriage, then we better take a hard look at how we can protect the sanctity of life. When it comes to life and marriage, God has brought them together, let no man put them asunder. So really, should we be surprised?

New Catholic Website

There is a great new website that I just found called The Catholic Thing. The first column was published on June 2. Check it out and tell me what you think.

Conquer the Summit

The summit? For a soul which has surrendered itself, everything becomes a summit to conquer. Every day it discovers new goals, because it does not know how, or want, to limit the love of God.
- St. Josemaria Escriva, The Furrow #17

By the time in entered my junior year of college, I had developed a love for learning. At that time the love was focused on mathematics which was my major. Now that love for learning has spread to different areas. But I have especially learned to love the study of theology and scripture. One thing has become quite clear to me as I continue to study: I don't know much. What I mean is, the more I learn, the more I realize I have to learn.

I believe that it true with our relationship with God. The more I come to know God, I am confronted by the fact that I am still so far away from Him. The good news is that He makes up for what we lack. Every time God burns away an imperfection, five more seem to become exposed. Such is the spiritual life. Our salvation is a journey that lasts a lifetime. God is continually molding and shaping us. Sometimes the summits are tougher to conquer than others. Many times it seems like there are multiple summits to overcome at one time. Regardless of the situation, God promises to complete the good work in us that He has started.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this...

Culture of Life vs. Culture of Death

Turn on the TV and it is a matter of minutes before one is inundated with gratuitous sex and violence. Why is that? What is it with our infatuation with death and sex? And what do they have to do with each other? All around us we see death. However, true discussion on death is often avoided due to the fact that there are not many things that are more frightening or misunderstood. So the conversation gets suppressed. Sex is another topic that isn't usually discussed appropriately. Most conversations regarding sex are very uncomfortable and awkward unless it is the punchline of a joke or put in your face (literally) in the media. The problem is that when things are suppressed, they tend to resurface in ways that are not very healthy. In the beginning, man and his wife were both naked and they were not ashamed.(cf.Gen. 3:25) In the beginning, there was no death. Naked without shame and no death. What happened after "The Fall?" Death and shame both entered the world. The Theology of the Body addresses the connection with death and sex. It is worth quoting at length:

Thus, each man bears within him the mystery of his "beginning" closely bound up with awareness of the generative meaning of the body. Genesis 4:1-2 seems to be silent on the subject of the relationship between the generative and the nuptial meaning of the body. It will be necessary, then, to raise again the questions connected with the appearance of shame in man, shame of his masculinity and femininity, not experienced before. At this moment, however, this is in the background. In the foreground there remains, however, the fact that "Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore . . . " This is precisely the threshold of man's history. It is his "beginning" on the earth. On this threshold man, as male and female, stands with the awareness of the generative meaning of his own body: masculinity conceals within it the meaning of fatherhood, and femininity that of motherhood. In the name of this meaning, Christ will one day give the categorical answer to the question that the Pharisees had asked him (Mt 19; Mk 10). We, on the other hand, penetrating the simple content of this answer, are trying at the same time to shed light on the context of that "beginning," to which Christ referred. The theology of the body has its roots in it.
7. Awareness of the meaning of the body and awareness of its generative meaning come into contact, in man, with awareness of death, the inevitable horizon of which they bear within them, so to speak. Yet there always returns in the history of man the "knowledge-generation" cycle, in which life struggles, ever anew, with the inexorable perspective of death, and always overcomes it. It is as if the reason for this refusal of life to surrender, which is manifested in "generation," were always the same "knowledge," with which man goes beyond the solitude of his own being, and, in fact, decides again to affirm this being in an "other." Both of them, man and woman, affirm it in the new man generated. In this affirmation, biblical "knowledge' seems to acquire an even greater dimension. It seems to take its place in that "vision" of God himself, with which there ends the first narrative of the creation of man about the "male" and the "female" made 'in the image of God": God saw everything that he had made and . . . it was very good (Gen 1:31). Man, in spite of all the experiences of his life, in spite of suffering, disappointment with himself, his sinfulness, and, finally, in spite of the inevitable prospect of death, always continues, however, to put "knowledge" at the "beginning" of "generation." In this way, he seems to participate in that first vision" of God himself: God the Creator "saw . . . , and behold, it was very good". And, ever anew, he confirms the truth of these words. (TOB 22:6,7)

Pope John Paul II is absolutely correct; life will always win. However in our culture, the value of a life is based on what it can produce or what it can provide. Individuals are looked upon as objects to be used and then discarded when they are no longer useful. We were not created to be objects to be used. We were created to commune with God and one another. This desire to "know" one another is stamped in our very being. The world calls it a "sex drive"; the Church Fathers called it "paternal desire."

A Wedding to Remember

I was glad to see Art posted in regard to his wedding. I know how much thought and effort went in to everything that took place. I was honored to be in attendance, but Jennie and I were more honored to be a part of such a beautiful ceremony. I have been to many weddings, but I can honestly say that none of them compared to Art and Melissa's. It was obvious to all in attendance that there was something special happening. Now granted, there is something special taking place at all weddings. However, often times the wedding becomes about the event. It is the part that takes place before the party. All of the time and energy goes into creating the reflection of something beautiful. This wedding was different. It was beautiful. It was beautiful because we witnessed two young people who understood the fact that they were about to become one. Not one in the sense of one household or one checking account or one bathroom- but they were going to become one in the communion of persons. Art and Melissa were about the embark on the journey of becoming the image and likeness of God...and they knew it. Pope John Paul II explains:

If, vice versa, we wish to draw also from the narrative of the Yahwist text the concept of "image of God", we can then deduce that man became the "image and likeness" of God not only through his own humanity, but also through the communion of persons, which man and woman form right from the beginning. The function of the image is to reflect the one who is the model, to reproduce its own prototype. Man becomes the image of God not so much in the moment of solitude as in the moment of communion. He is, in fact, right "from the beginning" not only an image in which there is reflected the solitude of a Person who rules the world, but also, and essentially, an image of an inscrutable divine communion of Persons.(Theology of the Body 9:3)


Nowhere was this more apparent than at the reception. Usually the reception is where the "holy stuff" ends and the party begins. Just like Sunday is where we put on our nice suit or dress and play church and Monday through Saturday we get to live as we wish. But not at this reception. Sure the reception was a great party. However, the fact that Art and Melissa had just entered in to a covenant with eachother was not lost at the reception. In fact it was confirmed during one of the most typical reception events...the tossing of the garter. Now the tossing of the garter is usually where all the single guys get up with beer in hand and try to act cool while staying as far away from the garter as possible. Don't catch it because then you're the next one to go...the next single guy to get shackled to the "old ball and chain." After the tossing of the garter, Art had a bowl of water and a couple of towels brought to him. He then proceeded to wash Melissa's feet. It was beautiful. Right in middle of the party, the groom kneels down and humbly washes his bride's feet. Art showed at that moment that he would have been the one to climb over his buddies to snatch the garter. Because he understands something that most people miss. He understands that he just entered into something very special. Art has found himself in the gift of himself:


Indeed, the Lord Jesus, when He prayed to the Father, "that all may be one. . . as we are one" (John 17:21-22) opened up vistas closed to human reason, for He implied a certain likeness between the union of the divine Persons, and the unity of God's sons in truth and charity. This likeness reveals that man, who is the only creature on earth which God willed for itself, cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself. (Gaudium et Spes 24:3)


Art and Melissa, may God bless your marriage and may you continue to be a blessing to all of us in the way you live out your vocation.

Are You Finished Yet?

So here is the scenario: My wife and I go to a local store with our four boys ages 9, 6, 3 and 9 mos. Our 3 year old is a "big boy" and wants to walk with his older siblings. So now we have the Cox Family convoy walking through the store: Mom leading the way pushing the cart, 3 brothers holding hands and Dad bringing up the rear with the stroller. It is quite a sight. Eventually, after we have stopped the flow of traffic in the store a few times with our regular duck crossings, someone stops and makes a comment on how cute the baby is--he really is cute, looks just like mommy. A short conversation ensues and inevitably the question arises, "Are you done?" No more needs to be said; we understand the question. "Are you done?" is the universal question for any family who has more than 3 children. "Are you done?" is the "polite" way of saying, "you need to stop having children." I have been told by a friend with 5 children that the questions eventually change. They become: "Are these all yours, or did you adopt?"

The reactions that large families receive from folks in public really fascinates me. Why are people so comfortable questioning the fertility of others? When did having more than 2.3 children become "irresponsible?" Our culture has not only embraced the idea of having dominion over creation, but we are now trying to control it to the point of deciding whether or not to allow life at all. When did children become a commodity; a box to check on the to do list of life?

Genesis 1:27 says, "And God created man in his own image: in the image of God he created him: male and female he created them. " What does this mean, "...in the image of God he created him: male and female he created them?" It means that together man and woman image God. That is why God creates a "helper suitable" for him. With what did Adam need help? He needed help living out the fact that he is created in the image of God; a communion of persons. Eve fulfills this communion of persons in the sacrament of matrimony. God is a communion of persons..."man" is to be a communion of persons. This becomes obvious to Adam when he recognizes that the animals are not suitable to help him. The human body is intended to be a reciprocal gift. Man gives himself to his wife and the wife to her husband. And this gift is to be free, total, faithful and fruitful. The fruit of the love is the life that it produces. The love between the Father and the Son is so real, that it is the Third Person of the Holy Trinity. The love between a husband and wife is so real that from it comes the third person of our family.

We ought not look at the responsibility of parenthood as a duty that we tolerate until the kids are old enough to do things for themesleves. We ought to celebrate the fact that God gives us the ability to become "co" creators by being procreators. And by the grace of God, we will have the perseverence to live out our vocation and through this vocation share in the love of the Holy Trinity.

The Wedding At Cana

We all have an idea on how busy and sometimes even a little stressful wedding planning can get. For myself, I left a lot of details and planning to Melissa. She had a good idea of what she wanted for our wedding, and I loved every part of it. However, the one thing that I wanted to be a part of more than any other was deciding the scripture readings for the Ceremony.

This was one of the better things we enjoyed about our wedding, but also the most difficult. The toughest part was narrowing it down to four passages from Scripture. The Old and the New Testament, the Psalms and the Gospels all have so many great passages, and we did our best to decide which ones we wanted for our special celebration.

Here I want to focus on the Gospel of John Chapter 2, and more specifically, The Wedding at Cana. I’ve taken the time to study this chapter over the last few months looking at it light of two key points, the Eucharist and The Blessed Mother. It’s been both illuminating and enlightening for me. And I want to take the time right now to share with you what I initially hoped to hand out to everyone who attended our wedding but unfortunately never found the time to do so until now. Most important though, I would like to thank Father Scott for his homily at our service. Revealing to us to the connection between Mary (who Jesus refers to as ‘woman’) and Eve (who God refer to as ‘woman’ in the Book of Genesis). Father Scott explained to us as Eve was called to be the mother of all living in the Old Testament, Here in the New Testament we have Mary being called as a new Eve, the mother of all living. And again, its not coincidence that Christ refers to her as ‘woman.’

Here we are at The Wedding at Cana. I sometimes wondered why Jesus chose a wedding celebration for the scene of His first public miracle? Then I remembered somebody in the Book of Exodus who preformed a smiliar miracle, Moses. Moses changed the waters of the Nile into blood (Exodus 7:14-22) in the Old Covenant. Jesus now changes water into wine, ushering in His New Covenant. He offers the New Wine, purchased by the shedding of His blood on the cross for our redemption.

Moreover, the wedding at Cana prefigures the marriage feast of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7). We should all understand how weddings play an important role in our lives as they do in Sacred Scripture. I like to ask, whose idea was marriage anyway? Does the sacrament of matrimony make any difference from just living together? Or is it just a matter of a piece of paper as some might suggest? Since Jesus and His Mother, Mary, chose to attend this wedding and then played instrumental roles in it, it might help to look at the sacrament of marriage a little more closely.

Marriage was at the hear t of God’s plan from the beginning. God said, “it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). Therefore, in the very act of creation, God creates woman and brings her to the man, that they may become one flesh. God has been in the matchmaking business from the very beginning. And just as the couple at Cana invited Jesus to their wedding, Melissa and I have invited Jesus into our marriage relationship. We invite God to be the third person who holds our marriage together.

We all know how marriage has come under attack in contemporary society. The permanence today of one man and one woman faithful until death has come down to partners deciding to walk away from marriage whenever they wish. So, how can marriage withstand the storms and tribulations that occur in life if the Lord is not invited? Without the presence of God and the grace of the sacrament, marriages begin to turn and fall, especially when they remain in the same direction that society has come to accept. The couple at Cana invited Jesus to their wedding. In hard times, one spouse may lift up the other and when both are down, Jesus can hold them together in the midst’s of the storm. God’s grace is always available in the sacrament, for those who call upon Him and seek His help.

I’d like to leave with a quote from Vatican II, Gaudium et Spes, 48.1

Marriage is God’s Plan. Sacred Scripture begins with creation of man and woman in the image and likeness of God and concludes with a vision of the “Wedding Feast of the Lamb.” The intimate community of life and love which constitutes the married state has been established by the Creator. . God Himself is the author of marriage.

Pope Benedict XVI Arrives in Washington

His visit is "a blessing for all of America"

Newsweek: How Pope Benedict XVI Will Make History

Newsweek has released an article on Pope Benedict's upcoming visit to the United States. Here's a selection from the article that reminds us when it comes to understanding Christian Doctrine, Pope Benedict XVI is the master teacher. You can read the full article here.

__________________________

The Master Teacher

Modern popes matter in spiritual microcosm as well as historical macrocosm. John Paul II touched, and changed, millions of lives. Go to an American seminary today and ask the seminarians who their priestly role model is. Or visit a parish marriage-preparation course and see how John Paul's "Theology of the Body" is reshaping the Catholic understanding of marriage, sexuality and family life. Graduate schools of theology are filled with students writing dissertations on the thought of John Paul II, whose intellectual impact on Catholicism will reverberate for centuries.

Benedict's personal influence on Catholics is perhaps less dramatic, but it is no less real to those who have seen or heard him personally. Joseph Ratzinger is one of the most learned men in the world; he is also a master teacher who can unpack complex Christian doctrines in an accessible way. That helps explain why he continues to draw enormous crowds to his Wednesday general audiences, some larger than those drawn by his predecessor. The tag line in some Roman circles is that "People came to see John Paul II; they come to hear Benedict XVI." That contrast is too sharply drawn, but Benedict's skills as a teacher have certainly touched a significant 21st-century yearning for solid religious food. His first two encyclicals, on love and hope, were consciously framed to speak to the fears of a deeply conflicted world by reminding the world of Christianities basic message.

Benedict's catechetical skills with children are also striking. Six months after his election, he met thousands of Italian 8- and 9-year-olds who had just made their first communion. One of them asked how Jesus could be present in the consecrated bread and wine of the Eucharist when "I can't see him!"

To which the pope replied, "No, we cannot see him; there are many things we do not see, but they exist and are essential … We do not see an electric current; yet we see that it exists. We can see that this microphone is working, and we see lights. We do not see the very deepest things, those that really sustain life and the world, but we can see and feel their effects … So it is with the Risen Lord: we do not see him with our eyes, but we see that wherever Jesus is, people change, they improve, there is a greater capacity for peace, for reconciliation …"

Another youngster asked why the church urged frequent confession. Benedict answered: "It's very helpful to confess with a certain regularity. It is true: our sins are always the same, but we clean our homes, our rooms, at least once a week, even if the dirt is always the same …

Otherwise the dirt might not be seen, but it builds up. Something similar can be said about the soul, about me: if I never go to confession, my soul is neglected and in the end I'm always pleased with myself and no longer understand that I must work hard to improve …"

What the pope can say so winsomely to children, he will likely say to adults during his American pilgrimage: "Look again at the basics of Catholic faith and practice. They exist for a reason. They just may satisfy the hungers of the human heart. Give them a chance."

The Way

"The body must be given a little less than it needs. Otherwise it will turn traitor. "

-St. Josemaria Escriva, The Way # 196

About two years ago I was given this book by Father Scott. I have been reading it a little at a time during my lunch break and each day I am confronted in one way or another. St. Josemaria tells us to give our flesh less than it needs. Why? Because we either control our appetites, or they control us. St. Josemaria gently reminds us as St. Paul does in Philippians 2:5-11:

For let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 6 Who being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: 7 But emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in the likeness of men, and in habit found as a man. Emptied himself, made himself as of no account. 8 He humbled himself, becoming obedient unto death, even to the death of the cross. 9 For which cause, God also hath exalted him and hath given him a name which is above all names: 10 That in the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those that are in heaven, on earth, and under the earth: 11 And that every tongue should confess that the Lord Jesus Christ is in the glory of God the Father.

Jesus emptied himself completely. That is real love. Every day we have opportunites to empty ourselves. We have the opportunity to love. But often we miss those opportunities because we have allowed our wants to get in the way. We allow our bodies to turn traitor.

Lord, let us run the race set before us without hindrance. Give us the grace to empty ourselves in love as Jesus did.

Theology of the Body

Hello everyone! Art has been so gracious to invite me to join his blog. I look forward to posting as regularly as I can. Feel free to leave comments as I hope this blog will generate wonderful discussions.

We are going to be going through Michael Waldstein's translation of Pope JP2's very important work: "The Theology of the Body." If you would like to join our discussion group, let us know and we will get you added. You can pick up a copy at Amazon.com by clicking here.

God Bless you all and thanks again to Art for letting me join this blog.

The Film Bella is Available for Pre-order

The film Bella is now available for pre-order at amazon.com

You can pre-order here: Bella the Film

Also, click here and view Taylor Marshalls thoughts on the film Bella.

Thoughts on the Film